Elderly Loneliness Is Rife in Individualistic America. It’s Time for a Change.
Contributor: Sarah Behjet
My grandmother’s daily routine was a rather tedious one. She woke up, prepared breakfast alongside chai, and sat down to watch the Arab news channels. While her ritual may seem benign at first glance, the monotony of daily routine is a common source of frustration among the elderly. My grandmother yearned to receive a phone call from a family member, and when she did, she insisted that they come over without delay. However, this was not always possible amid the hustle and bustle of teenage and adult lives. Although my grandmother was surrounded by elements of her culture in the comfort of her home, the comforts of home were not completely fulfilling.
Elders coming from collectivist cultures, cultures that prioritize the needs and well-being of groups rather than individual needs, have a lower chance of encountering loneliness than those who grew up in individualist cultures. The Arab collectivist culture, for instance, cherishes the importance of family ties and interpersonal relationships regardless of age. Such collectivism ingrained in my grandmother the importance of family, leading her to always long for her children and grandchildren.
The Korean collectivist culture holds elders in great esteem, as reverential gestures such as shaking hands and bowing in the presence of elders are commonplace. America’s individualist culture, however, lacks such reverential values. The result of this, along with other facets of America’s entrenched individualism, has led to reports of loneliness in 43% of U.S. adults aged 60 and older.
Western outlooks on aging in juxtaposition with Eastern collectivist values may explain why loneliness in the elderly is so prevalent in Western societies. In America particularly, adults are deemed independent once they move out of their parents’ house. Thereafter, visiting parents and grandparents is not a priority due to schooling, family life, and job responsibilities. In collectivist cultures, however, caring for parents in their elder years is a given. Additionally, with America’s increasing emphasis on productivity, elderly individuals have lost their importance notwithstanding their intrinsic dignity. Western ideals regarding independence and self-sufficiency saturate our culture, conditioning us to believe that reliance on others signifies weakness rather than fundamental decency and concern. Extreme individualism as present in American society fuels the notion that inconveniencing oneself for the sake of others is unproductive. If not beneficial to our aspirations and endeavors, helping others simply impedes us from achieving our goals.
Neither collectivism nor individualism are without pitfalls, which is why a less extreme emphasis on either practice is necessary to assuage elderly loneliness. Extreme collectivism can often exclude the value of the individual, convincing many that if not for the group they identify with, they are void of purpose. Conversely, extreme individualism, as present in modern-day Western society, leads to full self-reliance rather than acknowledgment of the beauty of interpersonal relationships. Even though America is unlikely to do away with its individualistic ideals, incorporating a degree of collectivism on a small scale is a mighty way to combat elderly loneliness. If we perpetuate the notion that our sole purpose is to fend for ourselves, then how will our elders derive any sense of purpose or worth? We seek and attain success at the expense of caring for one another.
My grandmother delighted in hearing my voice on the phone, even if it was for a mere five minutes. When I visited her house, my grandmother perked up and filled the room with excitement, opinions, and words of wisdom. Ensuring that extreme individualism does not dominate American life in future generations starts with altruism from the current generation. Our success amounts to nothing if we do not credit and empower those who contributed to our success. Our success is measured by the strength of our interpersonal relationships, not the accolades we manage to amass in a lifetime.
The monotony of my grandmother’s daily routine reveals how unsatisfying day-to-day life is if not for the purpose derived from family and friends. There truly is no comfort greater than that of kinship. By tempering individualism with collectivism, our elders can relish life as they were always meant to.
